I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
