If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
