We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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