I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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