I smell stomach acid.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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