I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
