i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
