I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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