He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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