the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
