im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
