you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
