Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
