oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
