i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
