you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
