my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
