she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
