No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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