Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
