i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
