Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
