And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
