New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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