No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
