I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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