in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
