I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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