I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
