weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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