you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
