He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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