Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
