Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
