His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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