I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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