Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
