So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
