he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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