at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
