Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
