OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
