Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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