You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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