I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
