No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
