Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
