Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
