Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
