Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
