Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
