Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
